I am so excited because I can see her curl pattern changing. They are tightening and thicking up. Since starting to really learn about caring for her hair her curls are looking so much healthier! I was looking at pictures from a month ago and all of her curls were frayed and frizzed out. Now her curls are tight and soft. I can’t wait for her hair to grow longer – I think it will be so pretty!

Since getting into hair care, I have found myself overwhelmed by beads, hairbands, combs, hair products, clips ect. I have tried to find a good way to organize it all. At first, I had smalls plastic containers for each thing, but I ended up with so many tubs it became difficult to do her hair quickly and efficiently. I revamped my method this weekend.

I bought an art box to hold all of the beads:

*Yes, it has already been pointed out to me that I may have a small addiction to hair bling. I say there are still empty slots, so I have room for more!

I put all of  her combs, moisturizer, and rubber bands into one stackable container:

I can grab it in the mornings and it has everything I need to freshen her style.

And I made a bow holder:

Yes, that is a hanger. But you know what? It totally works!

I added small drops of glue  to the back of each strip so her clips will stay in place:

It works really well! Yea for being organized! I am a happy momma.

Side note…Little M is nearly 11 months old, but I have decided we no longer have an infant. We have a toddler. She can (sort of) walk, she prefers the food from our plates over baby food any day of the week, and she can have a full out temper tantrum. Yep, she’s a toddler!

I was going to try this new hair style this past Sunday, but decided to hold off until this weekend instead. I decided this while I was doing her hair on Saturday morning. She was so OVER having her hair sprayed, combed, twisted, beaded etc. I barley got the last beads and twist in. I knew I would never get her to go along with having her hair done in such a detailed pattern. Here is a picture of the final product from Saturday. Well, the style from Saturday – these pictures are several days after it was done:

I was really proud of the parts – I even got three triangles in there!!

* Okay, I just noticed her hair parts are nearly identical to last week. I washed her hair and re-parted it similar to before without even realizing it. Darn it! i must like the diagonal part. lol*

The style is for 6 strands instead of 4 which made just slighlty more difficult. The style even lasted 4 days which is a record for her. Her hair is still so fine that although these hairstyle are considered ‘protective styles’ and are supposed to last for weeks at a time, we are lucky to get more than two days out of a style. They are helping though. I have noticed her hair seems stronger and healthier as well as longer!

BIG NEWS!!! Little M took some steps this weekend!! About 6 weeks ago, her daycare teacher told me she saw her take about 5 steps on her own, but we had not seen anything since then. I was thrilled to see her walking and she was tickled pink with herself. When she realized what she was doing, she could barley stand up straight any longer because she was so excited! What a cutie patootie. Oh, I wish I could pictures of her face already! Hopefully all the adoption stuff with go through soon. Everything is moving in the right direction slowly but surly. Keep us in your prayers and hopefully we can have a big party to celebrate her adoption soon!

Little M is the coolest of kids. She is funny, and so so smart!

One thing I am learning, is that hair for bi-racial children is a really big deal! I have been (trying) to learn how to do hair. I can only hope that one day I will be able to do hair like this. (Seriously, take a quick peek. You will be amazed and totally impressed.) Little M’s daycare teacher has been fixing her hair for the past few weeks, but I decided it was time for me to try. Want to see a picture?

Rope twists:

The parts were not great, but for a first try, I was pretty happy with it! I’ve already figured out how to get a cleaner part when doing her hair.

Close up:

Poor baby sort of looked a little bit like a bug with it’s antennas sticking out. After she was asleep, I checked in on her and noticed she had her head turned just right and her front twists were no longer hanging down, but sticking straight up and out of the crib:

*You have to turn your head to the side. The left of the picture is the top of the crib. For some reason, wordpress won’t let me rotate the picture.

I realized I might need to use some beads to weigh her hair down. I added a few hair clips to polish off the look a little better:

*The picture is a little blurry because trying to get a 10 month old to sit still can be near impossible.

By the end of church that morning, her hair was starting to fuzz out but she still rocked the cuteness:

Later in the week, I did some Bandu knots, but I didn’t get a picture. This weekend, I am going to try this hair design but with flat twists instead of braids/cornrows.

I’ve always heard that caring for ethnic hair was really complex. I was really overwhelmed at the beginning.
You have to part the hair how?!? Do I use coconut oil or not?  What is co-washing? You can stress the hairline?!? Goodness, there has been so much to learn. I feel like I might be starting to get the hang of it. I took her hair down half way through the week to co-wash it and could already notice her hair seemed much healthy and stronger.

Moving on.

This coming Monday, I am getting braces. Ugh. I think I am excited about it a little bit. Correction: I am excited to have straight teeth. I am NOT excited about having a mouth full of metal for the next 30 months. I AM excited to get these spacers out though! What a pain! I had all 4 wisdom teeth plus two other teeth removed a few weeks ago. That was not very fun at all either. My jaw still feels bruised. I am getting metal braces rather than clear. The clear seemed hard to keep clear and unstained. Also, I see many people with clear braces and their teeth seem to look a little yellowish. So I opted for metal, which was my orthodontist’s preference anyway since my teeth have to move so much.

I see some people post pics of their teeth and braces over time, but I am not sure if that is gross. I found the blogs so helpful to read as I was looking up stuff on braces. I don’t want to gross everyone out though. Thoughts?

Many of you may know, we chose to leave the adoption open to a boy or a girl, as long as the child is under 12 months. We have also purposfully not picked out a name for our child, because we want to see what they are named when they come to our home. We may keep their given name, or we may opt to give them a name we choose. We will cross that bridge when we get there.

We daydream about life will be like when the baby arrives. I often find myself thinking, when the baby is here…..I wonder what their laugh will sound like, what their face looks like when they are learning, what their cries and cues sound like. Then I also find myself  thinking….I will have to wake up earlier in the mornings, get used to very little sleep, have someone dependent on me for all of their needs. Then I think, Geez, I am signing up for this voluntarily?! What is wrong with me?!

And then there is the waiting. Oh my gosh, the waiting. I hear many people say the waiting is the most difficult part. For us, waiting has been the best part. We have LOVED our time together. We cherish the quiet evenings and lazy weekends. However, waiting means living in the in-between. We are almost parents, but still a family of two. On the rare occasion, I get really annoyed with waiting. We have a room for them with a crib and toys and books. I am ready to meet them and play together. Why can’t they just hurry up and get here already? On those days, I find myself thinking, “Perhaps it would just be easier to get pregnant. Then we would know when the baby would be here. We could find out if it would be a boy or a girl, we could pick a name, we could have more control of the situation.”

Then I remember that we choose adoption for a reason. We were called to it. Yes, we did not get pregnant on our own, but we choose not to pursue any testing and opted for adoption as our first choice. The process of adoption can be beautiful when it is done correctly. We pray for our unknown child everyday. I have had dreams about our child that feel as real as any memory and are as vivid as any movie.  I can wonder for hours about what life we be like when they join us.

I often find myself operating in two worlds. One of science and one of faith. Many times, the two do not appear to blend. I have learned that with careful evaluation, the two worlds often completment and support each other. It is through science that my faith is strengthened.

The world of science might say the faith in a Higher Being is used as a crutch. A form of denial of the cold, hard facts. The world of science will, at times, say the desire to become a parent, while completly natural, can run the risk of setting one up to fail. That adoption can often hide unaddressed deeper issues that are covered by becoming a parent. That parental responsibility can (at times) be used to work out larger unconscous issues in an attempt to re-do the past. I have seen this first hand – more than once. It can certinaly happen.

I also operate in a world of faith. A world where I know that our experience of peace while waiting is due to the fact that we a doing exactly what were called to do. And while I have a multitude (MULTITUDE) of questions about how this will all work out – how we will ever bond and attach appropriately, how we will address our child’s feelings of loss of their birthmother etc.  I know that ultimately, God is taking care of it. He will create the correct neurological chemicals to help attachment and bonding. He is giving us peace while we wait so that we are able to be free from (a majority) of expectations so that we are free to enjoy the process – whatever it may look like.

I am not so naive to think this will end is a story book ending, but no matter how messy the end picture,I know we will have walked the path that was meant for us.

It is an odd feeling, to know I am already someones momma. I know while we wait, God is knitting our hearts together – mine and my child’s.

Knit one, perl two, baby.

“And God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what Hannah had asked.” −1 Samuel 1:19

Filed under: adoption, blogging, Faith, family, Life ]]> http://leftcornerofmybrain.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/on-becoming-a-momma/feed/ 4 leftcornerofmybrain images2 http://leftcornerofmybrain.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/back-and-ready-to-go/ http://leftcornerofmybrain.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/back-and-ready-to-go/#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 13:28:09 +0000 leftcornerofmybrain http://leftcornerofmybrain.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/back-and-ready-to-go/ ]]> I’m back. My hiatus was much longer than just the summer as predicted

I have three blogs rolling around in my brain. I will have at least one of them up by the end of the day.

Currently, I am watching the Oklahoma news channels as they are over-broadcasting the weather. I am sure the weather will get bad later in the day with ice, but currently, it is only raining.

And yet, we have 24 hour coverage.

Of the rain.

Okay, sarcasm aside, once I get sent home early from work today due to the ice, I will be blogging my little heart out.

In one word: Twilight

Actually, that was only one week. Yes, all four books and the movie in one week. I know, I have an illness.

The other 4 or weeks or so? I don’t really have an excuse for not blogging, but here is what I have been up to:

-Finishing the nursery for the baby’s room. It looks great!

- We celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary. We went to the Planetarium and science museum. We had so much fun! The Planetarium was so neat! I was awestruck for days at how small Earth is in comparison to the entire universe. I came home and put this on my computer desktop:

It was reassuring to look at over the past few weeks while things at work were (still sort of are) insane. We had our Federal Review last week (my department passed with flying colors!) and we open a new building next week. Like I said, it was insane.

- I actually turned off the TV for two whole weeks!! It was awesome to know that I could and I spent a lot of time reading and doing some self examination. Well worth it.

-Taking up new hobbies. More about this later, but I am very pleased with myself for picking up new and old interests.

So basically, I have been busy enjoying life before the baby comes. I do apologize for the lack of posts, but an odd thing happens when you are in the adoption process. Having people know every minute detail of your life means you begin to protect what privacy you have left in any way possible.  So, for a short while, I am going to take a blogging hiatus. I am sure I will not be gone long, just long enough to enjoy a little bit more time to myself before I return to sharing the thoughts in my head

1. In the 1800′s, American Indian Religion was outlawed.  American Indian’s spiritual practices went underground as did much of the culture and traditions. 
    
2. The Indian Religion Freedom Act passed in 1978 (Um, that was 31 years ago. Not that long ago. This also means American Indians were the last ethnic people group to have their civil rights acknowledged)
    
3. In the 1970′s, 40% of American Indian women that went for a routine hospitalization (i.e. having tonsils removed) were non-consensually sterilized. 
    
4. Many American Indian children were forced to go to boarding schools.  Their hair was cut, their name was changed from their Indian name, they were forced to wear English clothes and were whipped for speaking their Native language. One person said, “We went in the door Indian and came out English.”
    
5. Canada, New Zealand, Australia’s governments have all made a formal apology to the aboriginal people of their country for what happened. America has not. 
    
6. In Oklahoma, every April, children participate in a ceremonial ‘land run’ to remember when the Sooners claimed family land. And while this is an important part of Oklahoma history, it is also the day people groups were once again displaced. 

People ask why were are adopting from Jeremy’s tribe. These are not the reasons. But hearing about these fact moves me.  It moves me teach my child to embrace their culture and treasure traditions so they do not become lost.  It also moves me to advocate for them should I ever need to. 

For many people, this information is difficult to hear. A sense of shame and guilt is quick to rise. Followed by defensiveness and statements like, “How long do we have to apologize for this? Isn’t in the past?”

It’s not about blame.

 Read # 2 and #6 again. It was not that long ago. It is still happening in subtle ways.

It is about awareness.

Have you read this book? You need to read this book. It was written by a couple in Oklahoma. They adopted from Ethiopia and wrote their story. But it is not just a story about adoption. It’s a brutally honest story of a marriage in trouble, of infertility, and of dreams dying. BUT, it is also about how God can give you new dreams and new hopes. And how He can take the darkest things in our lives and turn them into something great – something that becomes bigger than yourself.

Trust me, you want to read this book.

Portions of the book felt like I was reading my own story. Many times as I was reading I thought to myself, “That is exactly what I said” or, “That is exactly how I felt/feel.”

In case you are interested in reading it, you can find it here.

In adoption news/updates, we are still waiting for ‘the call’. I am hopeful it will come soon, but it is hard to stay hopeful all of the time. I am trying to stay busy and decorate the baby’s room, research cribs and all things baby.

I once read a quote that said, “You will never search yourself more deeply than when you adopt.” It has turned out to be a very accurate statement. One of the things I have discovered about myself: I am not good at waiting. So hurry up baby!

In the mean time, I am feeling the need to plan, organize, re-organize and scrub every corner of the house. I am finding myself making lists and moving furniture – only to re-arranging it again. Can anyone say nesting?  :)    

Most days I think we will have a boy. How fun would that be! Dinosaurs, airplanes, trucks, sports and pirates…I love it!

But then, oh then, I see this:  

And these:  

and I fall in love with the idea of having a sweet baby girl.

We have also been doing a lot of thinking about what life will be like  when the baby gets here. Conversations often drift to, “When the baby is here…”.  

Adoption is so fun!

Our friend Shala is at #1 on the waiting list with her agency!! We are so exited for her! We met up early in our adoption process and it has been neat to watch another person get ready to be a mom through adoption.    

Next weekend, my friend Jess and I are going to create a baby registry! Yea!