Marriage….Long stretches of boring?

Last week, I was talking to a friend at work. She is engaged to be married in the next few weeks. While discussing wedding plans, she mentioned that someone told her marriage is “simply long stretches of boring”. Caught off guard and never have heard it phrased that way, I laughed and agreed  it was true. 

All week, that comment has stuck in my head. I hate it. Why don’t we just put the nail in the coffin right now and call it a day? I hate that attitude. I’m disappointed my friend was told this a few weeks before her wedding. Like there is not enough stress in your life when you are getting married and quietly wondering to yourself if you are doing the right thing.  ( Please know, I think my friend is intelligent enough to figure this out without me saying anything, but I do want to go back and clarify that I’ve changed my mind and I do not agree)                                                      

 Fact is, everyday of life is not exciting. We don’t win the lotto everyday, we don’t get a raise at work everyday, we don’t go rock climbing everyday. Life in general plods along. Life is about the everyday stuff -dinner with our family, laughing with friends over a joke, or watching a great movie with someone.

I think marriage should be about doing life together- the everyday boring stuff. It is in the everyday boring stuff we find comfort. Imagine if we had to have an adventure everyday of our life – We would be exhausted by the age of 30. Imagine if you had to have an exciting event in your marriage everyday – the disappointment and pressure would kill a marriage in a matter of years.

I think you see what I am getting at. I want a marriage where I am comfortable. The exciting times are fun, but all in all, I want someone to go through life with – ho hum days and all. In fact, I kinda like the ho-hum days. It’s nice to know I have someone to have them with and that our relationship is authentic enough that we can have ho-hum days and call them good days.

I get why the statement was made and the general idea behind it, but I think attitude makes a big difference in our perspective. ( Isn’t that always the case?) Having the attitude that marriage is about long stretches of boring sounds….boring. Sucks the life right out.  Thinking that it is about going life together- exciting and boring times both, sounds a lot more  appealing.

* After thinking this over more, I had a few extra things to add in and clarify. Click here for follow up 
 

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4 thoughts on “Marriage….Long stretches of boring?

  1. Adam Brewster September 3, 2007 / 1:18 am

    hmm hmm yup yup…

    It’s really sad that people don’t [apparently] consider this anymore… It’s like they throw away a life of contentment, for a few years of fun – and then a whole lot of heartache by choosing someone that is “fun” to be around.

    It’s such a trap.

    I swear… the pastor in church today was doing a baby dedication of a small kid and said something to the effect of, “and parents, keep in mind that there’s a baby being dedicated in a year or two from now who will make a great wife for baby Micah…”

    what bullcrap. Why aren’t we taught the values of celibacy? finding contentment in who we are? Why aren’t we taught to find the value of discovering new things about our friends and lovers everyday?

    Which leads me to disagree with you on a small point – but it might just be semantics… If you can’t find something at least a little interesting in every day… there might be something awry. I dunno… if I ever do give in and get suckered into a relationship again, I’d like to make it a goal to really appreciate each new day – and find something productive to do with it.

    Although, I will concede that having boring/relaxing days can be very productive in relationships from time to time too I guess….

    hmm anyhow, interesting thoughts… thanks for posting this

  2. leftcornerofmybrain September 3, 2007 / 1:34 am

    That is kind of the point- enjoying and being okay with the ho-hum days. The idea of being content- what ever your situation. hmmm, new blog idea. It is a fine balance between moving forward and being content in the present.

  3. marquita September 4, 2007 / 9:54 pm

    I suppose the reality is there are all kinds in the world. There are those who need to rock climb if not literally, at least in some form, often. And then there are those that find the beauty in the mudane. It takes, I suppose concessions on both sides in a relationship to build it into the shape that fits those working at a marriage/relationship. In the final analysis, the gift is having the privelage to do the work and live worthy of the investment of the other’s heart and soul, no matter what the circumstance.

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